Why you need the 10Fs – whatever stage you’re at in life
When I was breastfeeding my daughter Laura (who’s now 36), I realised something important: to function well and stay resilient, I needed more of everything. More fluids (back then it was water and a lot of apple juice), more nutritious food, and – above all – more sleep. In fact, I spent the next few years on a mission to get more rest.
What I didn’t know at the time was that I was building the foundation for something I now call The 10Fs – Spring of Personal Resilience.
What began as a private checklist for myself and my family gradually became a practical framework I’ve used for decades with clients and continue to do so with myself. It’s simple, memorable, and flexible enough to fit any stage of life. From a parent on paternity leave, to a start-up founder chasing funding, to a CEO navigating high stakes board meetings.
I first shared the model at a conference as “The 10F Spring of Personal Resilience”, and during a particularly difficult period of my life, I even printed the 10Fs and stuck them on the fridge.
It works as a daily reminder that resilience isn’t abstract. It’s built, one decision at a time, through the basics of self-care and mindset. And I’m going to share this with you in detail now.
The First 5Fs: The Essentials of Self-Care
The first half of the 10Fs are what I call the essentials. They’re the basics that hold us up. They are the ‘must dos’ and they are not ‘nice to do’, miss one for too long, and everything else wobbles.
- Fluid
Hydration might seem basic, yet we regularly underestimate its impact. When I work with exhausted leaders, one of the things I ask is: How much water are you drinking? Coffee, tea, and wine don’t count here, they belong under Fun (we’ll get to that later!). - Food
Nutritious food fuels resilience. When my son Chris was struggling at university (I’ll share that story shortly), food was one of the things we talked about. Food isn’t just fuel, it truly is a form of care, grounding, and stability. - Forty Winks
Sleep looks different for everyone. Some thrive on six hours, others need nine. Since a concussion a couple of years ago, my doctor has told me: “Rest your head”, so I now monitor my sleep with my Apple Watch and prioritise early nights. Leaders often push through exhaustion, nevertheless, sleep debt always collects. (Sleep deprivation is used in torture for a reason!) - Friends and Family
Human connection is a powerful buffer against stress. For some, that’s time with close family; for others, it’s trusted colleagues or lifelong friends. During the pandemic, when we were all forced online, I saw how much leaders leaned on this F to stay afloat. - Fitness
You don’t need to run marathons to benefit from movement. For me, fitness means making sure I’m moving my body every day, sometimes that’s swimming, walking in the park or doing my exercises, other times it’s sailing. For leaders, fitness is less about a specific challenge and more about sustaining the stamina to show up fully. Each of these elements have a continuum and are different for everybody.
The Next 5Fs: Building Mental and Emotional Resilience
The second half of the model moves beyond the essentials and into the mindset, habits, and choices that make us stronger over time.
- Focus
Whether you’re pitching to investors or caring for a loved one, focus is what keeps you present and effective. It’s our reason for getting out of bed each day, it’s our purpose, it’s a privilege if it’s our passion in life too. In coaching, I often ask clients: “What’s the most important thing for you to focus on today?” Simple questions like this help us work through overwhelm and bring clarity through the murkiness. - Forgiveness
Forgiveness might sound soft, except it isn’t really. In fact, I’d argue that it’s a critical leadership skill. Holding onto resentment is exhausting and corrosive. Nelson Mandela showed the world two things; how to get on the side of your enemies and what forgiveness looks like. After 27 years in prison at the hands of his oppressors – he wore the Springbok captain, Francois Pienaar’s rugby jersey before South Africa won the 1995 World Cup to show his belief in them. This symbolised his forgiveness of the oppressors.
It’s also vital that leaders learn to forgive themselves! They need to let go of bitterness, perhaps perfectionism and give themselves grace to move forward.
- Physical
The power of physical touch is backed by research. It lowers stress hormones and boosts mood. During the pandemic, when physical touch was restricted, I took Rex (my dog at the time) into a care home so my friend’s mum could stroke him. Even small gestures, like hugs, remind us we are not alone. And sexual intimacy is at the other end of the spectrum, and all of them add to our resilience stores. - Fun
Fun isn’t frivolous, it’s essential. Laughter releases endorphins and builds resilience. Doctors are even prescribing it nowadays. I’ve been blessed with friends who, during hard times, called me up and whisked me away for spa days or theatre trips. Fun doesn’t always come from you; sometimes it’s about letting others be the catalyst and gift you moments of joy. - Forever Learning
Stagnation drains resilience. Forever learning keeps the mind fresh and open. It might be a new leadership model, a recipe, or a Zumba routine. For me, learning has meant diving into data and leadership research, as well as picking up sailing skills on my monthly day out. There’s never a dull moment at Connecting to Excellence and our clients – be it supporting leaders in start-ups, scale-ups, the NHS or heritage – keep us learning every day.
Why Leaders Need the 10Fs
Leaders in start-ups, scale-ups, and the third sector are under enormous pressure. You’re asked to deliver results, inspire teams, and keep the lights on. All at the same time. And you cannot do any of this if your foundation is crumbling.
The 10Fs are not a nice-to-have. I believe they’re truly essential for preventing burnout especially the first five! However, the resilience the 10Fs grow isn’t solely personal. If they’re embedded and role-modelled well, it creates a ripple effect. When leaders model balance, boundaries, and joy, their teams feel permission to do the same.
Resilience is a Daily Choice
I never wanted to be known for resilience. I’d rather be known for my professional facilitation, team and leadership coaching. However, resilience has been the thread running through my work, whether helping NHS teams through the pandemic, supporting founders scaling businesses, or guiding leaders through personal crises.
The 10Fs are my way of making resilience practical, personal, and doable.
So ask yourself today:
- Which of the 10Fs are easy for me? Keep doing them.
- Which of the 10Fs am I neglecting?
- What small step could I take to bring it back into balance?
Because you can’t build resilience in a crisis. You have to build it in the everyday choices you make.
If you’d like to explore the 10Fs further, for yourself or your team, book a free chemistry call with me at Connecting to Excellence. Together, we’ll build resilience that helps you thrive, not just survive.
